The Disney Channel canceled the Jonas Brothers’ TV show. Even worse, they had Goofy deliver the news. (Craig Ferguson)
Happy birthday to Woody Allen, who’s 75 today. It’s not easy to find a card that says, “Happy birthday, dad/husband.”
I was nominated for a Grammy in the Spoken Word category for an audio book of my autobiography. It’s the same category that Al Gore won a few years ago. Unfortunately, his spoken words were “I invented the Internet.”
My Grammy nomination brings me one step closer to my lifetime goal of losing every major award in Hollywood.
At the Grammy nominations, there was a live satellite hook-up with Justin Bieber. Little girls were screaming so much that they shattered something very valuable — Cher’s face.
Sen. John McCain said it’s time for a regime change in North Korea. To which the Carrows waitress said, “Sir, if you don’t order now, you’re going to miss the early bird special.” (leno)
North Korea attacked South Korea by brazenly firing mortars into their country. Apparently what happened was, Kim Jong Il got angry over the fact that Bristol Palin made it to the finals of “Dancing With the Stars.” (leno)
Experts say that North Korea’s Kim Jon Il may not be responsible for bombing South Korea, and it may have been his son. Kids grow up so fast. (Ferguson)
It’s a harsh indictment of our media as we lurch toward possible nuclear war on the Korean peninsula, we’re all talking about “Dancing With the Stars.” Isn’t it time journalists start asking the hard questions like, “What does Kim Jong Il think of ‘Dancing With the Stars’?” (Ferguson)