What The Hell Is A Golden Twit You May Ask?

Well it doesn’t have anything to do with television, but one of our writers, twitter.com user radiogagger has been nominated for the HUMOUR award, and WRITING award in the first ever GoldenTwits.
Please vote for him here:

Vote for Radiogagger in the Golden Twits

The Late Night Gags Catchup Week

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Colorado will become the first state to lower the minimum wage. They plan to lower it from $7.28 to $7.25. As a compromise, workers will be able to leave work nine seconds earlier.

Happy Birthday to Angela Lansbury. She turned 84 today. She celebrated at a party until one of her friends was murdered.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
A Republican senator from Maine voted with the Democrats on healthcare. What!?! This is the first time a Republican has switched sides and not been arrested in an airport bathroom

Late Show with David Letterman
Yesterday, Bernie Madoff got into a fight in prison. He’s really screwed, now.

Bernie and another inmate fought over the stock market. Isn’t that how all prison fights start, when you think about it?

Madoff got into a fight in prison. So they’ve got him on a diet of bread and water . . . like his investors

The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien
The Nobel Committee is saying the reason they gave Obama the Peace Prize is for reducing tension around the world. So, the runners-up for this year’s Nobel Prize were “red wine” and ”the Brookstone 3-Speed Massaging Recliner.

Yesterday in New Orleans, a little boy asked President Obama, “Why do people hate you?” Then the little boy turned to Joe Biden and said, “I know why people hate you

The Jay Leno Show
President Obama won another Nobel Prize today. This time in medicine for pretending to give up smoking.

Of course, Republicans still can’t believe that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. But then Democrats can’t believe that Sarah Palin wrote a book.

The governor of California’s wife, Maria Shriver, was photographed violating the law by talking on her cell phone while she was driving. I read about it on my BlackBerry while riding into work on my motorcycle.

Late Night gags Week continued

The Jay Leno Show
Congratulations to Barack Obama — he has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Apparently, the Nobel committee wanted to recognize the president’s fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer.

President Obama said he was humbled to win the prize. Not as humble as he was when Rio got the Olympics. But still humble

The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien
Today, President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The committee said they gave it to Obama partly for his idealism and commitment to global cooperation, but mostly for calling Kanye West a jackass.

Earlier today, the Nobel Prize for Economics was awarded to a woman for the first time ever. So congratulations, Michelle Obama

Late Show with David Letterman
President Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. Meanwhile, at an Arizona senior citizens home, John McCain is screaming, “Bingo!

Jimmy Kimmel Live!
A day after declaring war on the moon, President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Along with the Nobel Peace Prize President Obama also gets $1.4 million. Usually to get a check that big you need to blackmail David Letterman.

The Real Reason David Beckham signed for LA Galaxy

To learn to count on and write letters (Take note Gordon Brown) with the help of Sesamee Street…

Becks signs up with Sesamee Street to practise his letter writing

Happy 40th Birthday to Sesamee Street

And Again, More Recent Late Night Gags

The Jay Leno Show
The saddest part about Chicago not getting the Olympics? Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich already sold 10 front row seats for a hundred grand apiece for the opening ceremonies.

The big question with troops in Afghanistan is, How soon can we expect a decision from President Obama? I don’t think it’s going to happen anytime soon. Remember — it took five months to decide on a puppy.

The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien
Over the weekend, President Obama celebrated his 17th wedding anniversary. The President celebrated by going out for a romantic candlelit dinner with just his wife and Oprah.

Forbes magazine is reporting that Oprah Winfrey lost $400 million last year. Oprah is claiming she didn’t “lose” the $400 million, she just forgot which jacket pocket it’s in.

In a recent interview, John McCain’s former campaign manager said that if Sarah Palin is the Republican Party’s presidential nominee, the results will be “catastrophic.” Then he said, “As opposed to when she was the vice-presidential nominee and everything went perfectly.”

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
I still can’t get over that Chicago lost the bid for the Olympics. Are the Olympics all about looking good in a bikini made of dental floss?

Happy birthday to Fox News, who is 13 today . . . though I saw that on Fox News so I don’t know if it’s true.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Yesterday in Minnesota, a 70-year-old man completed his 163rd marathon. That’s amazing. His family celebrated by taking him out to a five-star emergency room.

Nick Nolte’s 23-year-old son, Brawley Nolte, was arrested in California for drunk driving. Or, as Nick Nolte calls it, “driving.”

Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The swine flu vaccine is now available. There’s a limited amount of the vaccine, so top priority goes to healthcare workers, then pregnant women, followed by young children, then strippers.

The last to receive the vaccination are the Backstreet Boys.

This is a historic night — the United States is going to bomb the moon. This is what happens when you have a president whose slogan is, “Yes, we can.

Late Show with David Letterman
They now have a McDonald’s at the Louvre in France. They even have a drive through. Here’s how it works: You drive up and shout your order into Van Gogh’s good ear.

Our American Monologue Catch Up Week continues tomorrow…

More Late Night gags

The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien
In a new book, former President Bill Clinton said he had an affair with Monica Lewinsky because he “cracked under pressure.” When asked what he’s doing this weekend, Clinton replied, “Cracking under pressure.”

This week Chrysler announced it’s replacing its owner’s manuals with a DVD. In a related story, most Americans have replaced their Chrysler with a Toyota.

Starting today, gay couples can register as legal partners in the state of Nevada. So congratulations to the cast of Cirque de Soleil!

The Jay Leno Show
Yesterday at the U.N., Barack Obama told world leaders, “Don’t expect the U.S. to solve the world’s problems.” Whatever happened to “Yes, we can!”

Starbuck’s is going to start selling instant coffee. This is for people who want the quality of Sanka, but want to pay the high Starbuck’s price.

Late Show with David Letterman
It’s the 60th anniversary of China. We’re celebrating in the United States because they own all of our debt

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Sarah Palin’s new autobiography – that doesn’t come out until November — is already #1 on Amazon. And if you go to the Web site, it says, “People who bought this book also bought . . . no other books in their entire lives.”

I thought this was nice: Out of good sportsmanship, the foreword to Sarah’s book was written by a moose.

Ken Lewis, the CEO of Bank of America, will receive a 53 million dollar pension when he retires at the end of the year. But he can only get it out of an ATM — 20 dollars at a time.

Best Of The Late Night gags

The Jay Leno Show
Recently, they were interviewing Afghanistan farmers who grow poppy seeds. One farmer said that he knows heroin is bad and that it kills people, but if he didn’t grow poppy his family would starve. Hey, here’s an idea — you’re a farmer, try growing some food.

It’s the first day of autumn. In a statement, Sarah Palin said the dying leaves are because of Obama’s healthcare plan.

The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien
This Sunday, President Obama will appear on five different television shows. Even more amazing — in all five shows he plays “the wacky neighbor.”

Chrysler announced that it will no longer put owner’s manuals in their cars. Not only that, Chrysler has pretty much given up on putting owners in their cars.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
President Obama was on “David Letterman” last night. It was very awkward when Paul Shaffer stood up and shouted, “You lie!”

Late Show with David Letterman
Yesterday President Obama brought together Israeli and Palestinian leaders. Undeniably it was awkward. They stood there and stared at each other. And then finally, after an uncomfortable period of time, they shook hands. It was like my wedding night.

Snog Marry Avoid – The Musical

The Jenny Frost role will be played by one of the Sugagbabe cast-offs.
Pod will be played by Hattie Hayridge or Norman Lovett.
Jodie Marsh will be played by Cameron, the winner of Big Brother 4.

Fearne Cotton Meets Peaches Geldof

Like, did you see this programme, like? wowowowowowowow

Next week, Part Two – In An hour special,
Fearne meets Peaches Tattoo’s

Pics c/o Xposure

Fearne Cotton Meets Paris Hilton

What You want words as well?
I watched with the sound down.